


Without you to hold me up (I fear I may fall)

by MichelleM



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, all the pain and tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 04:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichelleM/pseuds/MichelleM
Summary: When Alec dies, the hole he rips in Jace and Magnus is irreparable





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Valentine attacks the institute, except Alec doesn't survive the attack. So, let's just pretend that Magnus and Alec got married in 1x12, and that when Jace asked to crash at Magnus' that he, Alec and Jace grew close, m'kay?  
> TRIGGER WARNING : this does have what amounts to assisted suicide in it, so if that sets you off please, PLEASE turn back now.

Alec was dead.

Magnus heard nothing after that. His hunter was dead.

Alec.

The one person he trusted and who trusted him in return was gone, and he was never coming back.

Magnus was screaming, he didn’t remember opening his mouth, but he was screaming, pain lacing the sound.

~~~

It was Simon who got him to calm down, in the end.

“Magnus. Magnus stop. He wouldn’t want this.”

The warlock felt cold arms encircle him, carrying him to his bed.

His bed.

No longer his and Alec’s bed.

Alec was dead.

At that thought the sobs erupted from him, his whole frame trembling.

Simon was silent, just laid by the warlock and held him as he screamed and sobbed, begged whatever god there was to give him his husband back.

God didn’t listen.

~~~~~

Five hours, fifty-two seconds and one day. That was how long Alec had been gone from this world.

Four hours, fifty-eight minutes, three seconds and one day. That was how long Magnus had been attempting to bring Alec back, or at least communicate with his spirit.

It didn’t work.

~~~~

“I don’t care! Do you hear me? Unless the words leaving your lips are indicative of my Alexander being alive, I don’t give a damn about what you have to say!” Magnus was screaming at the blonde, and he didn’t care. Parabatai were supposed to protect each other, and Jace had failed.

“He wouldn’t want this Magnus, and you know it!”

“I don’t! I don’t know anything Jace, except that my heart feels like it’s being ripped apart, and it hurts to breathe. I want to die, but I can’t because I’m fucking immortal. I will _never_ see Alexander again.” He fell to his knees, sobbing.

He wasn’t surprised when Jace wrapped him in a hug.

He let him, their tears mixing as they clung to each other, the two people Alec had loved most in this world.

~~~~

A year.

Magnus hated it.

Hated time, hated his life.

Hated that for an entire year, his Alexander had been dead.

~~~

A year.

That’s how long Jace had been dying, slowly, but he was dying all the same.

No one knew.

Except Magnus.

He was the only one who knew what it felt like.

To wake from that dream, where _He_ was alive, coming to wake Jace for training.

And then he woke fully, and sobbed.

His Parabatai was gone.

~~~~~

“I can’t do this anymore. Please.”

Jace shakes, the adamas dagger trembling in his grip. “Alec would hate me for this.”

Magnus smiles sadly, hand above Jace’s heart, glowing blue. “He’s not here.”

Jace shakes his head, tears streaming down both of their faces.

It’s been a year and a half, and neither man can breathe.

Alec was the one thing holding them together.

With him gone, life has no purpose, not anymore.

Magnus barely feels the blade go in, and Jace thinks the fire encasing his heart feels almost pleasant, because he knows his parabatai is on the other side of it.

~~~~~

“Magnus? Jace? What are you two doing here?”

The men throw themselves at Alexander, sobbing in relief.

Alec holds them, tears of his own flowing.  
“You idiots.” His voice holds no venom though. He loves them, couldn’t ask them to keep living when he was gone.

He’d been surprised they’d managed to last as long as they had.

Jace clings to him as Magnus hugs him. “We’re so sorry Alexander. We couldn’t. Not with you gone.”

Alec holds them both close. He knows he shouldn’t be happy, because them being here means that they’re dead.

But he’s missed his men so much.

So instead he kisses them, tears streaming.  
“I know. I love you.”

And the smiles he gets in return, he feels more alive than he has in a long, long time.

~~~~~

It’s Simon who finds the bodies.

Part of him wants to scream.

But then he sees the expression on their faces, and all he can do is smile sadly, closing their eyes.

For the first time in a year and a half, Magnus and Jace looked peaceful.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr at malec-clace-sizzy-delena-clizzy


End file.
